Archangel
by Bre'Lakor
Summary: Reflection on Garrus and Shepard's relationship from Kaidan's sacrifice on Virmire to their 'stress relief' before the Omega 4 Relay and everything in between. Collection of random oneshots and drabble!
1. Virmire

_I have changed this to a bunch of oneshots to vent some of my thoughts/ideas from Mass Effect 1/2 (and possibly 3 in the future..) There won't really be much storyline in any of this, and its really just random drabble and musings on my part! _

_Hopefully some of you like it :) Also, couldn't think of a better title... sorry!_

_First chapter takes place right after Kaidan sacrifices himself on Virmire._

* * *

**Archangel**

**Virmire**

Shepard slumped down against her locker and let out an audible sigh. She was sick of all the bullshit politics of the Citadel, but she could get over that. Somehow, she would bring down Sovereign regardless of how blind the Council or Udina was. But that wasn't the thing that hurt. She was used to pushing on through the pain because she had to, for the benefit of everyone else. She had pushed on after Akuze, ignored the nightmares and guilt and vowed to do better. And she had done so for so many years. She had closed herself off and sacrificed the emotional side of herself for the greater good of the Alliance and now the Galaxy.

Which was why it made her that much more angry with Kaidan. He had brought her out of her emotionless state. He had made her feel something again, made her let feelings get in the way of their missions. She never let anything compromise their success, but when he was around she did. And she hated him so goddamn much for it. How _dare_ he be so charming and show interest in her? She was his commanding officer, he should have known better. But she had returned the interest he had shown, because no matter how much she liked to deny it, she had feelings for him too.

And then Kaidan had gone off and sacrificed himself on Virmire, without evening thinking how it might affect her. He had gone ahead and radioed Joker before Shepard could intervene and told the pilot to go rescue Ashley instead. By the time she realized what he had done and got in contact with Joker the Normandy was already landed at the AA tower with Ashley and the Salarians, and there was no way they could return for Kaidan. Taking off and landing took too much time.

She hadn't told Captain Anderson about Kaidan disobeying a superior's order – despite how furious she was with what he had done; she wasn't going to ruin his reputation, because regretfully, she knew it made sense. There was an entire team of salarians as well as Ashley at the AA tower. As much as she hated losing people, she wasn't going to sacrifice numerous lives for one other person's sake. But it still hurt, so freaking much.

So now she found herself here, moping about in front of her locker on the Normandy after arguing with the Citadel and almost murdering Udina for grounding her ship. They should be going to Ilos by now, doing something useful, not sitting around with their heads in the sand hoping Saren might decide that after all 'oh actually I'm not that crazy!'

Tears pricked at her eyes and she buried her face in her hands.

She heard footsteps approaching and refused to look up. Maybe the person would walk past and leave her alone. She was expected to be strong for everyone else's sake; she wasn't allowed to break down when everyone else was relying on her.

"Shepard?" The voice was rough but yet it had an unusual tenor pitch. She recognised it instantly as Garrus. Shepard allowed herself to raise her head slightly and stare at him. She thought he looked concerned, but she couldn't be sure with Turians.

He didn't speak again and she guessed he knew better than to offer her the chance to have a deep and meaningful, heart to heart conversation. If he had, she'd probably have punched him.

Slowly he bent down, kneeling before her. She managed a weak smile.

"Don't ever become a Spectre Garrus, there's just as much bullshit and red tape there as anywhere else."

He chuckled, that unusual alien laugh that she had grown so used to hearing on their missions. He sobered soon after however and stared levelly at her. She tried to ignore him and glanced away but it was impossible. He had a way of getting to her and making her talk about things she'd rather bury deep down inside of her. It was probably something he had picked up while being a C-Sec officer; she could see how it would be beneficial to interrogating suspects.

"Why does it have to hurt so much?" Shepard was sure she sounded whiny and pathetic, but she would beat herself up about it later.

Garrus sighed and reached a hand up, placing it on her shoulder. His touch was enough to make her break. She collapsed into his arms, weeping softly into his shoulder. If he hadn't been wearing his armour she might have poked an eye out. Why was he wearing his armour anyway? She didn't care at the moment.

Shepard felt his hands curl around her back and hold her. "You don't have to be indestructible all the time, Shepard," she heard him whisper.

"It's alright to have feelings. Just because you're a Spectre and the Commander of this ship doesn't mean you have to be emotionless like Saren."

As much as she hated situations like this she knew he was right. And she hated that he was right even more.

"I'm going to kill you later for seeing me like this, Garrus," she managed to choke out between sobs.

He laughed softly again and she pulled her head back to glare at him the best she could. Apparently it wasn't very effective.

"I'd like to see you try."

She raised a finger, poking him hard in the chest but receiving only a sore finger from his armour in return. Shepard opened her mouth to speak but was interrupted by Joker's voice piercing in over the speaker attached to the wall.

"Commander? You there?"

Shepard frowned and reached a hand up to the headpiece beside her ear. "Joker? Are you spying on me? How did you know I was here?"

She was suddenly horrified at the thought that Joker might have seen or heard her moment with Garrus. If there was one guaranteed way of causing controversy, it would definitely be by making people think she had feelings for a Turian. She could just imagine what Udina would say.

Joker's voice interrupted her thoughts. "Uh… no, I wasn't spying on you. Ash said you were here aboard the Normandy."

"Mhmm." She wasn't convinced, but let it drop anyway. Joker knew better than to gossip about her, lest he receive several 'accidentally' broken bones if he did.

"Captain Anderson wants to see you, said to meet you at Flux."

"Alright." Shepard pulled back out of Garrus' hold and stood up. "I'm coming."

She glanced over to Garrus and managed a small smile.

"Garrus…" She paused in thought and he waited patiently for her. "Just… thanks. Yeah." She frowned. "…Thanks."

Garrus flashed her that knowing smile she had gotten used to hating. "No problem."

Shepard turned around; hoping the flush of heat in her cheeks wasn't too visible. "Lets go," she murmured.

Garrus nodded and followed her as she walked up to the top deck. Shepard took him on every mission. He was her right hand man and now confidant as well, it seemed.


	2. Dead to the World

_For those that may have read this earlier, I have split the first chapter into two, so this is the original second half of the first chapter! Later on, it will be new stuff..._

_This chapter takes place sometime during Garrus' stay on Omega and before Sidonis betrays him._

* * *

**Archangel**

**Dead to the World**

Garrus groaned as he was reluctantly pulled out of sleep by one of his team members shaking him. Every time he slept he dreamt of Shepard. She seemed so real every time, too. The touch of her soft, almost squishy skin. Her short auburn hair. The unusual look of tears in her eyes. He had only seen her cry once, but still didn't understand the point of it. Then again, Turians weren't physically capable of the concept. He didn't understand why humans flirted with each other either – if a Turian found another Turian attractive they went out and stated it outright, they didn't dance around each other with suggestive remarks and fleeting looks.

He missed her so much, but there wasn't any point being angry about it. He had been angry with Kaidan when he had died though. Garrus had been furious with the lieutenant for dying and making Shepard so upset, before realizing how much of an idiot he was being and forcing himself to grow up.

When Shepard had died he had become lost. She had given him a purpose to live, given him something worthwhile to do with his life. She had given everyone on the Normandy a purpose. Without her, he didn't know what to do.

After her funeral he returned to the Citadel and tried to take up his Spectre training again, only to become sick of the politics and bureaucracy. He had bought a one-way ticket to Omega, figuring he might as well do some good before they all died at the hands of the Reapers. But she still wouldn't leave him alone; even after death she still haunted him. He figured it was because she was the most inspirational person he had ever met, because she was the glue that held everyone on the Normandy together. The glue that held _him_ together. And without her he was falling apart. His dreams were evidence enough of that.

"We have reports of a group of merc's gathering around one of the apartment blocks further down," one of his human companions said.

Garrus pulled himself immediately out of his thoughts and looked straight at the man. "Pack up, we head there straight away."

The man nodded and turned around, shouting orders at other people. They had been in so many tight battles since Garrus had formed the group and they had started pissing off the merc's by disrupting their operations. Too many narrow escapes and near death experiences. But then again, death would be a welcome release for him. Garrus was sick of living. Without Shepard he was slowly deteriorating, the glue that held him together was gone, and it was only a matter of time before he joined his Commander.


	3. Glue

_Yay new stuff... erm... I had this idea some point after returning to the Normandy Crash site, and although I understand it is horribly out of character, I still wanted to write it..._

_This scene takes place sometime after Shepard returns to the Normandy Crash site, early after recruiting Garrus._

* * *

**Archangel**

**Glue**

Shepard glared at the blank photo frame she was holding in dismay. She had picked it up when she had gone back to the Normandy crash site and somehow it had managed to survive the crash. She had gone alone to the site, she knew Garrus wanted to come with her, after all he had been on that ship a fair amount of time as well, but it was something she had to do alone. As usual, Garrus respected the decisions she made.

And she had found her old photo frame in the wreckage, but it didn't appear to be working. She had gotten her hopes up, thinking she might have something to remember her old crew by but apparently she was wrong. She wasn't good with technology things, she was a biotic not a super tech genius like Tali. God, she missed Tali so much sometimes. The Quarian was like her sister. At least she had gotten the chance to see Tali briefly on Freedom's Progress after waking up. The rest of her team? Not so much.

Ashley was off one some Alliance mission doing something or other. Kaidan was still dead. Wrex was on Tuchanka being all krogany and Liara was apparently on Illium being rather crazy. At least she still had Garrus by her side. She didn't think she'd ever be able to find someone to replace Garrus as her right hand man. Jacob possibly, but he sucked up to her just a tad too much. Garrus usually just stood by silently and knew better than to interrupt her.

She glanced back at the photo frame, realising it wasn't going to work for her and sighed. A soft grumbling sound alerted her that she was hungry. Most of the crew on the Normandy probably thought she was a pig, having to eat so much more because she was a biotic. Shepard stood up, still holding the frame and walked towards the elevator outside her quarters. Maybe she could figure out how to fix it after she had eaten.

The mess hall wasn't as full as it normally was when Shepard arrived there. Garrus was sitting at the main table fiddling with some part, which she assumed was from the Normandy's gun, or from the console he otherwise spent his every waking minute with that he wasn't spending on missions with her. Aside from Garrus, Gardner stood at the kitchen area and a few other crewmembers stood around the room talking amongst themselves. Shepard immediately bee lined to Garrus first, he was the only one there she was comfortable talking to. The rest of the crew were nice enough, but she hadn't known them long enough, plus they were still part of Cereberus.

Garrus' eyes flickered up to her as she sat down in the seat opposite him but quickly returned to his work soon afterwards. Shepard set the photo frame down on the table and leaned forward, peering at what he was fiddling with.

"What's that?"

Garrus reached over to the left of him and picked up a small canister of oil. "The part that was interfering with one of the Normandy's guns. As much as I admire the weapons this ship has, it seems no one bothered to take care of them before me."

Shepard laughed softly and stood up, walking towards the kitchen area. "I see you got over the MAKO easily enough," she said, glancing over her shoulder at him.

Garrus frowned at her momentarily then shook his head, laughing softly. "I wouldn't have needed to spend so much time with the MAKO if you weren't such an awful driver."

Shepard's eyes narrowed briefly in anger but softened soon after. She ignored the comment and went to stand in front of Gardner. The cook smiled at her like he normally did and Shepard managed a vague lip quirk.

"Does Cereberus have those energy pack things the Alliance give to Biotics?" She asked him.

"We have a variation of them, and they don't taste half as much like shit either," the cook replied, bending down to rummage in some cupboards before pulling out a small package and stabbing a straw through a hole in the top.

Shepard took it eagerly and returned to the table, casting a quick thank you to the cook as she walked. Sitting down she eyed the package warily but then reluctantly took a sip of it. It tasted different than normal, but better. Shrugging, she continued drinking. Garrus continued fiddling with whatever part of the gun he had gotten for several minutes, before eventually looking satisfied and placing it back on the table. He glanced up at her and his eyes immediately trailed down to the photo frame placed face down on the table's surface.

He reached over to it, picking it up and turning it in his hands. "You found your old photo frame at the Normandy's crash site?" He asked.

Shepard guessed he remembered seeing it in her cabin the one time he had been in there asking her some question about something she didn't remember any more.

"Mhmmm," she murmured between sips. Whatever Cereberus did to their energy packs, she liked it. The Alliance ones tasted awful, but either way they got the job done – a large hit of calories to help with Biotics higher energy demands.

"I can't get it to work though," she added then stared down at the empty package in disappointment. Standing up, she walked back to Gardner for another. As she returned to the table she saw Garrus was fiddling with the photo frame. She sat down, watching him in mild interest.

Garrus unscrewed the back cover off and fiddled about with the electronics on the inside of the frame with his omnitool. After awhile he picked up the back and screwed it back on. He handed the frame back to Shepard and as she turned it around to face her the black screen flickered momentarily and then faded to reveal the picture she had stored on it. She let out a deep sigh as she took in the photo and set down the new energy pack.

It was the only complete photo of the original Normandy crew that she had. She had taken it on their only shore leave day they had managed to squeeze in before going to Virmire. They had been at the Flux on the Citadel and had managed to convince Pressley, Adams and Chakwas to join them. Kaidan was in it too, and she felt a small pain in her chest as her eyes flickered to his face. The pain soon vanished however and was replaced by amusement as she saw Joker had put bunny rabbit ears up behind Tali's head. That was such an old human tradition; only Joker would do something like that in this day and age.

"You alright, Shepard?" She heard Garrus ask.

Shepard glanced up at him and reluctantly put the frame down. "Yeah, I just miss everyone."

Garrus nodded slowly and smiled softly at her. "The team couldn't hold together without you Shepard, you were like… the glue that held us all together." He frowned, almost as if he was unsure if he liked the idea that his Commander was glue, but went with it anyway.

Shepard sighed and looked down at her hands, intently examining them to avoid Garrus' gaze.

"I try not to think about the past too often," she admitted after several moments of silence. "There's too much at stake to sit around moping about the people you've lost."

"Fight for the lost, right?"

Shepard glanced up at him and managed a weak smile. "Yeah." She paused as her expression turned to determination. "Fight for the lost."

He returned her smile and they sat in silence for several seconds before Shepard's earpiece perked up.

"Shepard?" The voice sounded like Miranda. "Can you come see me for a moment? Thanks."

Shepard wasn't given a chance to confirm or deny Miranda's request and instead simply sighed and stood up. She grabbed the frame and turned to Garrus.

"Thanks for fixing it Garrus. I appreciate it."

He nodded politely at her and stood up himself, probably to return to the Main Battery again. "No problem."

Shepard turned around; heading off towards Miranda's office but turned her head to glance at Garrus once more.

"Garrus?"

He stopped in his tracks and turned to face her.

"If you ever refer to me as glue again I am afraid I will have to space you."

Garrus' lips curled into a smile and he chuckled softly. Shepard grinned at him and turned around to approach Miranda's room.


	4. Urz

_I love Urz, I totally wanted him as a recruitable companion in Mass Effect 2... lol :) Also, immature Shepard is... immature_

_This chapter takes place some point after Tuchunka (obviously...?)_

* * *

**Archangel**

**Urz**

Garrus strolled out of the Main Battery and down the corridor towards the Mess Hall. He had been intending to go find Shepard and ask for extra supplies to upgrade the Normandy's weapons. Usually if he wanted to find her it took ages of searching, she was usually somewhere talking to somebody in the smallest most unusual area on the ship. But today he didn't have to look far. As he approached the mess hall she came into his view, and he frowned as he noticed she was kneeling next to a varren.

His mood immediately dropped. He knew he should have gone with her to Tuchanka. But Mordin and Grunt needed to go more than him, and unfortunately things like this happened when he wasn't around. Why had she brought a varren onto the Normandy?

It didn't look vicious, it was sitting obediently in front of her and she appeared to be… stroking it? Miranda and Jacob stood nearby. The female of the pair didn't look impressed, Jacob however looked more amused than anything else.

As Garrus approached Jacob looked up and gave him a polite nod to which Garrus returned.

"You cannot keep a pet varren, Commander," Miranda said.

Shepard looked up from the floor and narrowed her eyes at the woman. "And why not?"

"Its against regulations."

"If I listened to regulations you'd all be screwed right now because of Sovereign," Shepard retorted and Miranda rolled her eyes in annoyance.

Garrus forced himself to suppress a laugh. Nobody argued with Shepard and won. Nobody. She'd argued Saren into killing himself after all. Miranda didn't stand a chance.

Miranda turned and looked expectantly at Jacob. The gunnery chief shrugged at her gaze. "Not my call."

"Thank you Taylor. This is my call and I say we are keeping him." Shepard turned back to the varren and stroked him again.

Miranda sighed and shook her head, turning to walk away. Jacob followed soon after, presumably to return to the weapons room. Shepard stood up after a couple of seconds and smiled as she noticed Garrus.

Garrus stared at her in amusement at the sight of the varren sitting obediently at her side. "I am not letting you go on missions without me ever again. Bad things happen when I'm not around."

"Yeah." Shepard chuckled and smiled at him. "I'd say dying would be a pretty fucking bad thing, wouldn't you?"

"I was more referring to the unwanted addition to the crew, but dying works too." He glanced down at the varren and Shepard scowled at his remark.

"I miss the old Garrus who would agree with everything I said or did."

"I'm not disagreeing with you," Garrus said and Shepard's expression lightened. "I have enough near death experiences on our missions, thank you."

"You like it." Shepard's lips curled into a smile. "You got shot in the face and found it funny." She paused. "Eventually."

Garrus chuckled and shook his head. "Some people find near death experiences arousing Shepard, but they're usually krogans. Or psychopaths."

Shepard's eyebrow quirked at his last comment and he saw what he thought was vague interest in her eyes. She crossed her arms, staring at him.

"Careful Vakarian."

Garrus frowned; she never called him 'Vakarian.' It was always 'Garrus' or 'Archangel' when she wanted to annoy him, or sometimes 'Hey you' when she couldn't be bothered with the two prior names.

"Or I might start thinking you're flirting with me."

Garrus froze at her words and looked blankly at her. She merely smiled slyly and turned around, heading towards the elevator with her varren at her heel. He glanced quickly around and was grateful to notice no one else appeared to have heard what she said. That could be awkward if that became public knowledge. He shook his head, forcing himself to ignore the comment before pausing and wondering what he was supposed to be doing.

Shaking his head he remembered and followed in the direction Shepard had left in.


	5. The Omega 4 Relay

_More fluffy drabble! Eh, another bit of writing I found on my computer and decided to make somewhat readable and post! I hope its not too, erm, rushed? I think I managed to weed out the major grammatical errors and stuff..._

_Takes place right before the Omega 4 relay (obviously!) Oh and in case I haven't mentioned it earlier, I don't own Mass Effect or any of its related things._

* * *

**The Omega 4 Relay**

Garrus waited anxiously in Shepard's cabin, pacing back and forth tensely. Shepard was in her bathroom when he had come in and she was still there. Garrus was starting to have doubts. He wasn't sure if this was a good idea any more, wasn't sure if 'blowing off steam' with Shepard was what he really wanted. Physically, he wanted to be with her. Gods knew he had been fantasising about it enough since she had first suggested it. But emotionally? He cared about her. Turian's didn't approach sex like humans often did. Garrus didn't think Shepard was the kind of human who approached sex casually, her grief at seeing Kaidan die was a good indicator of that.

But what if she didn't care for him in return? She might still have feelings for the dead Lieutenant and only wanted to be with him this one time, because chances were good she wasn't going to be alive much longer. Maybe she just wanted a bit of comfort before throwing herself into a suicide mission for the greater good humanity and, to a lesser extent, organic life? Maybe she just wanted to forget about this night afterwards-

"Garrus?"

He froze in his pacing and slowly turned around. He hadn't even noticed her coming into the main room of the cabin. Garrus became instantly aware of just how revealing the dress she was wearing seemed. It was the dress Kasumi had bought her. Shepard looked… odd to him. Humans should find the excess of skin attractive, but Garrus wasn't sure what to think. He found it oddly was alluring, but it didn't really translate into Turian culture that well.

"I… uh." Garrus paused and frowned, then glanced down at the wine he was holding.

That's right, he had brought wine with him. He had also intended on putting music on. His fingers drifted over to the nearby console and tapped a few buttons, bringing up a popular tune he had often heard in Afterlife or in Flux, back when he had still been a C-Sec officer.

"I brought wine." He gestured to the bottle and thought he saw a hint of amusement in Shepard's expression. "Best I could afford on a vigilantes salary."

She took a step toward him and took the bottle from his hands, setting down on the nearby bench. Garrus instinctively took a step further away from her. He wanted to distance himself, as if that would somehow ease his nerves. Maybe complimenting her like he would a Turian female would work?

"If you were a Turian female," he started slowly. "I would be complimenting your fringe or your waist…. So… Your hair looks nice."

His eyes drifted down to her waist. Was her posture natural or forced? It looked unusually provocative, and he didn't remember her standing like that normally.

"And your waist looks… very supportive." He struggled with the last word and hoped his voice didn't sound too choked up with desire.

She took a step towards him and he felt his body freeze up again. Her odd human fingers reached over to the console on the wall and turned the music off.

"Garrus."

Did her voice always sound that seductive or was he just imagining it? Damnit, he was acting like a nervous teenager again.

"You don't need to try and impress me."

But he felt like he needed too so much. He wanted this to be right, he didn't want this to be a one-night thing that they would shake off and forget about if they somehow managed to survive their trip into the Omega 4 relay. He had to tell her he didn't want this to end tonight. He'd rather not do this at all if all she wanted was a bit of short lived comfort.

"Its just… Nothing ever goes right for me. My work with C-Sec, Sidonis, my Spectre training." He sighed and gazed sadly at her. "I want something to go right for a change. I want us to be right. I…"

He hadn't noticed her hand reach up to caress his scarred cheek. He didn't have much feeling left on that side of his face… but it still felt nice.

"You humans have this emotion called love that Turian's don't have. I don't want this to just be a one time thing, I-"

"Do you love me, Garrus?"

He frowned and felt her hand fall from his face and rest on his chest. "I don't know." It was the truth. "Turian's don't love. How am I meant to recognise it?"

She smiled and took a step closer, leaning up so that her face was inches from his. "I think the fact that you're tearing yourself up on the inside about this is enough proof that you do."

He nodded slowly. So this was what humans called love? It seemed rather painful, all this anxiety over wondering whether the other person returned the emotion.

"I still care about Kaidan," she admitted. His heart sunk. She didn't return his feelings; she was still in love with the dead human.

"But I have moved on."

Or maybe not? She smiled wryly and looked away at something behind him. "I never thought I'd find love in the arms of a Turian."

His heart leapt at that sentence. She did love him in return. Maybe this ecstatic feeling was what love really was meant to be? Or maybe it was too complex for him to analyse like this? Should he really be spending so much time picking apart the small details of their relationship? Maybe he should just…

Her lips were on his turian-excuse for a mouth now.

Maybe he should just go with it? Enjoy it while he still could… before they both…

Her hands were travelling up to curl around his neck and her body was pressed against his.

_Before they both died._

He felt one of her hands press lightly against the unplated area of his neck. How did she know about that weak spot? How did she… It didn't matter. He was putting too much thought into this. Lust overthrew his previous thoughts and he wrapped his arms around her back, pulling her in closer and causing her to grasp in surprise. She was so squishy and fragile, but he found it strangely attractive.


End file.
